This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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