I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In America we eat man semen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
