Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
