You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
