That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Randomize
