After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
be right there i have to get my cape
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
