Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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