I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
