i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
