A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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