This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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