yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
