How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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