It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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