she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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