Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
