she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
