Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
