I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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