i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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