38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
