So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
