You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
