i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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