I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
