Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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