its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
