I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
