I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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