"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
