Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
