I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
