I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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