i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
