I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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