am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
