i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Panties = found
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