I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
