I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
