If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
