its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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