Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
