I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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