see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
