just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
