Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
