this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
