are you so shy because you have an std?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
