wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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