just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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