If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
