Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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