I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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