how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
